We don't necessarily need to revise something we did or an aspect of who we are as much as how we view it
Instead of starting this off by telling old stories or even a recent "old story," I am sharing this movie clip that pretty well sums up an aspect of myself that has gotten me into trouble ("A brief shining moment ... and then that mouth." Though it's usually by email)...
The thing is, I am attached to this identity. I love this about me the way I love it about this movie character. I am still growing in mindfulness and my communications but I've been thinking, what if instead of revising so much of what I slipped in an email (okay, I will just share my once in a blue moon slip up happened and I said some harsh--albeit truthful--things in an email to a private school I was frustrated with, that I did an imaginal revision scene, so in my last email I acted as if I'd not sent the earlier one and reframed it, but I still haven't changed the story about the school; my feelings haven't changed as they responded back severely misquoting me which, with "EIYPO" obviously reflects why the revision didn't happen yet because I only revised my email and not my attitude)... but what if instead of doing damage control on specific acts I have to wrestle with myself to take back because I still have the underlying concerns, feelings, etc. that are looking out for the safety of my children (& a lot of stories I'm rewriting that is not overnight), well if I accept & love myself anyway, then the world has to as well right?
Maybe instead of revising the actual email (and that's just an example, I mean in general), maybe I change my beliefs about how my communications are received and how people in general perceive me even when I lack filters. Because if I'm really honest I don't regret what I said. 😂 Just "keeping it real."
I regret the impacts but it felt good being honest and advocating for my kids. I no longer want to fight schools, I am changing that part of my identity, not in victim mode, but part of not being a victim and showing up for myself (and my children) is setting boundaries and having fierce love that doesn't allow others to treat me or my children a certain way as everyone is on different states. I can move them but don't need to.
So I'm just thinking outloud here that while I am also changing old patterns of my mouth (emails rather) at least where it doesn't serve me, that I'm also keeping it as an endearing quality people love about me because as many have said over the years: I say the things everyone else is thinking but too scared to say. And all the times I was "balsy" and "tenacious" in the past, I was rewarded big time. BIG time. Once it was promotion to a coveted window seat (& job I wasn't even qualified for and was up-front that I wasn't qualified for). But they responded to me mirroring how I responded to those words (balsy, tenacious, etc.).
I'll never forget a guy in the office at one of my first jobs walking around singing, "Lola" only he had changed the lyrics to, "Whatever Rebekah wants, Rebekah gets." 🎶😂🙌 It was true.
Because though soft-spoken in person, I do have boundaries and am not a pushover. Especially when it comes to my children and determining what is best.
I'm not saying we should excuse bad behavior but that maybe it's not the "behavior" or act itself that we need to revise but our perception of it.
You see, Awareness doesn't judge. God, our Imagination, Consciousness, the Universe in us, whatever you want to call it, is always just reflecting back to us like a mirror our own thoughts, feelings, memories, beliefs, etc., including our judgments on ourselves.
So it's often not what we did but what we think we did. Our memory. Our perception. So instead of feeling regretful over an email that stood up for my children (and, was immediately proven true by another school affirming what I said only more tactfully), instead of having to do hours I don't have to give at the moment in revising all of that, I'm simply instead standing up, applauding myself, praising my email as being masterful, and going back to my end states of the wishes fulfilled. In situations like a certain email, I am imagining them to as well. I suppose they may not be jumping for joy but maybe a more natural feeling would be compassionately, with deeper understanding and empathy, warmth and acceptance, and in agreement as those are all things I feel towards myself and children, and can more easily feel when I imagine them as well.
I'll let you know how it goes. Ultimately it's maintaining a state of being that also is reflected back. If we so radically love and accept ourselves the outer world has to too.
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